Beans

Meet Beans!! He is an 11-year-old hairless pitbull mix (yes, we know, exotic). Beans isn’t looking for a family to adopt him; he is looking for a family to claim absolute ownership over. If you’ve always wanted a pet that resembles the Crypt Keeper’s guard dog, your hyper-specific dream has finally come true. The Daily Schedule (According to Beans) The 2-Hour Dinner Warning: Every single day, exactly two hours before dinner time, Beans will initiate eye contact. He will not break it. He will then begin deploying his signature "smoker's bark" a sound that heavily implies he’s been puffing through two packs a day since 1996. The Midnight Hydration Audit: If you dare to let his water bowl drop below 100% capacity, you will wake up to Beans standing directly over your sleeping body, staring into your soul, and breathing hot, humid air onto your face.​​ The Wardrobe Change: Beans requires fresh pajamas daily. And don’t even think about buying the generic, unscented laundry detergent. He expects premium fabric softener, or he will file a complaint with HR. The Real Talk In all seriousness, Beans is an incredibly unique, quirky senior boy who is looking for a family with an excellent sense of humor. Underneath that naked, wrinkled, slightly terrifying exterior is a heart of absolute gold. Beans is crate trained, potty trained & a low energy dude. He is genuinely hilarious, deeply snuggly, fiercely loving, and hands-down the coolest naked boy on the planet. He has a lot of life left to live and a lot of pajamas to wear. Beans gets along fine with other dogs and cats! He does have some resource guarding tendencies, so he will need to be fed separately from other animals, and toys should be put away when other pets are around. Standard "respect my stuff" rules apply. Are you ready to submit to the rule of Beans? Apply to adopt this legendary gargoyle today! The adoption donation is $250 and will include neuter, microchip and age appropriate vaccines. Please follow the link below to submit an application: https://bit.ly/3GDeyyo